Aunty Dote

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if I depressed you i’m sorry
lord knows i do exaggerate my feelings to interest myself in myself sometimes if you know what i mean

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going to Ben and Christina’s wedding, how can you possibly pretend love isn’t real?

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Laura and Josh

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Bertie got dressed up
we had a great time
i wanted to say something during the everyone say something period but what everyone else said was so perfect and made me teary and no way i would ever speak in public while teary

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i had wanted to tell everyone the story of how Ben and Christina met because it is so happy making
whatever the opposite of disappointment is!

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The short version is that Christina came into Ben Jones’ solo show at Deitch Projects in Feb of ’08 and told me that she loved the art so much, it spoke to her in some deep way, that she wanted to go on a date with whoever made it

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i said what if it was made my a little old lady? what if it was made by a deformed troll? she was undeterred

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i think what it is is that so many artists make work not literally to attract a date but to put something of themselves out there so that someone might see it and feel them and be drawn to them, and then to have that happen so literally is so moving to me

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i dunno maybe i am in a “weakened state” when it comes to emotions at the moment

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Bertie is smiling!!!!
his first ocean viewing!!!!

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this is what it is all about btw
not the last post

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willie and bertie became best frineds it made me so happy!
there are other rosson paintings i got to sneak peek while there should i post them?
hold on i gotta resize real quick one sec

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turn your head sideways!

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back home to NYC arnaud did a three day new media show in gallery 3 that he put my paintings in how about that

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you can kinda see one on the right side
it was…pretty fun i gotta admit

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bertie had fun too!
quick who is cuter, Bertie or Dertie?

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back in nyc things were falllllling into place

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got to go to amagansett to see Lola

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wish we had time to stop at the pumpkin festival but oh well

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i took photos of her work and her studio of course but they are on my instagram
and will be in the Jade Hotel book soon so I don’t want to scoop the book!

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there was craze traffic cuz it was apparently Columbus Day?

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stuck in traffic and a great sunset made up for it

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took a million photos, as is my wont

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check out this cool Dash Snow Ry Fyan collaboration

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the Ry part

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going up up up

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i will post both complete shows once the photographer gets me the images cuz mine are kinda bad my camera is fucked

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but i want you to look at some with me!

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misaki kawai

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that means “cute” in japanese

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anders oinonen in gallery 3

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he had wanted to name his show EYEBROW HAIRCUT and she HAIR SHOW it was either coincidence or just a hairy month and they could feel it!

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so happy

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ughhhh i am so happy

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this is obviously what is really going on in my life

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this is the real shit

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bertie chewin the art
we will have a doggie haircut event soon in the gallery i promise

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big max!
see the photo at the top of this post? that is max i ran into him when leaving misaki studio and he is who the works are inspired by!

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this is what it is all about
i might as well just go into wordpress and delete the last post!

No nudes is good nudes

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i’m not sure of all the negative human feelings whether disappointment isn’t perhaps the worst one

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when things don’t live up to your expectations

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when you realize things are not as good as you thought, people not as wonderful, the future not as exciting

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when you lose hope and it leaks out until you feel fully deflated

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i feel like an empty balloon at the moment

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probably not the best time to post a blog but i felt so guilty having all these great images just sitting in private on my desktop

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this is Tauba wearing shoes I bought her back in 2008 when she did the 50 50 floor in my Constraction exhibition at Deitch isn’t that cool?
made my New York Book Fair

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here are some details of Kasper’s burned paintings so you can see up close how interesting

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i also don’t want to let on that i am completely pancaked with disappointment because i don’t want to seem weak

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this disappointment does not have any element of revenge, it is not a disappointment that wants attention or pity
it is one that just wants to be left alone

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also i don’t like giving the sense that i am at all disappointed in anything going on at the gallery because that is all so great and positive and happy making especially with our two new shows that opened

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i guess it just wants the people who have let me down to just… ARGH!

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it’s a fine line with expectations. you have to live with hopes, but if your hopes are unrealistic you will always be disappointed

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perhaps recently i just “dreamed too big”, flew too close to the sun haha

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and got singed!

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therapists cost money but blogging is free, right?

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i wish the blog was an oracle and i could feed it images and text of what is happening and it would tell me what was up

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or call bullshit on me

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sigh i never get to actually reveal anything personal
but i do get to type it and then feel better and then delete it i guess!

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this is my visiting davina semo
for i-D magazine
tho this magazine is the current issue of the Journal check it out!

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it’s impossible to have no feelings no needs no expectations no attachments, it’s a fantasy world

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look at the universe that is joe’s eye, and then just think of the neurochemical universe behind it! the unknowability of the other!

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joe’s new toupee is working out great btw

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i am not a happy fun robot, i’m not a thing that just receives input and does no processing and no output! I have feelings!!! ….said everyone in the world always

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i am so low drama, it takes a lot for me to get angry, i am not a gossip, i go very far out of my way to avoid confrontation or problems, i am miserable unless everyone is happy and getting along, if someone is mad at me i ruminate about it and can’t sleep and do everything possible to smooth the situation over.

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joe insists he just “takes life as it comes” with no expectation from others but how long can you interact with someone before some sort of expectation is created, not from promises just from actions?

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[[REDACTED]] no intimacy has been built and retained, you start over at zero every time [[REDACTED]]

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sorry this must be such boring reading today i just have no one to talk to but the screen

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this is davina installing at paul’s place

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an old misaki

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this is an outtake of my photoshoot of “ten young art collectors” also for i-D magazine, also out in November and very excited!

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[[REDACTED]] there is something immoral to all relationships it seems, any time you demean yourself to approach someone else, humiliate yourself for them, insult them by liking, ask for someone else’s anything, need else to be happy, to thrive, to not hate the world, immoral to intrude upon them with your affection [[REDACTED]]

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i can’t find anything to drink in this stupid gallery

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“disappointed in love”
i like that expression, misreading it so that love as a cultural construct is really what has let you down, its promises empty, its hollowness sounded

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i like misreading it as being both disappointed and in love and those two feelings coexisting simultaneously, cuz aren’t they opposites?

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i love that when someone hurts you that your chest hurts, thank goodness, i mean, at least you aren’t crazy

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i should stop typing cuz im just gonna delete it anyway

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i don’t have anything too insightful to say about this show tho
war of course being one of the lamest metaphors for love

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[[REDACTED]] what is that quote about lost regard and it’s un-re-achieve-ability?

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the dog mocks my angst
the dog thinks i am being silly

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the dog just wants to chill at the Bowery Hotel after the Chris Burden opening and order some drinks

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yay for drunk faces! even Bertie looks plastered

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larry gagosian picked him up as he was leaving and bertie licked him on the nose and he giggled

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visiting misaki was not disappointing!

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she and justin have a new studio that is great

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some old things bumping around

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hole check

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an older work dating around the time of “noodle music” in the chicken or beef show

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so good
soon you will see the photos of the works in the gallery tho so i don’t need to post all here

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sketchbooks were amazing

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shit pig fuckers i have to make a new post and i really want to go home and try to un-disappoint myself, to re-appoint myself with this painting i am working on