captive caption contenst

i really should leave the office before i start drinking all the leftover wine in the basement….

consider yourself warned

so! you know how i made up this joke

what happens when a deer and a car kiss?

deer carcass!

well ben jones made a variant

what happens when a deer and a outdoor product manufacturer kiss?

he gets a John Deere letter on the table the next morning

here’s a joke

Knock Knock
Who’s there
Jim Drain

Jim Drain Who?
This awesome artist from Providence, RI

Knock Knock
Who’s there
Jim Drain

Jim Drain Who?
This awesome artist from Providence, RI

Knock Knock
Who’s there
Ara Peterson

Ara who?
ARA n’t you glad i didn’t say Jim Drain?

ben and christina helped me with that one

i am not that punny today sorry guys
i have been reading PG Wodehouse books to try to brighten my sprits and he is much funnier

as david foster wallace my favourite author wrote, “PG Wodehouse is timelessly witty and mean”

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say “when!”

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down to the mezzanine floor.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

He’s as jealous as billy-ho. Smear a bit of burnt cork on him, and he could step right on to any stage and play Othello without rehearsal.

He uttered a stricken woofle, like a bulldog who had been refused cake

She spoke with the mildness of a cushat dove addressing another cushat dove from whom it is hoping to borrow money.

A chap who’s supposed to stop chaps pinching things things from chaps having a chap come along and pinch something from him.

If I had had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach would have had it by a short head.

I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!
(you guys know my favourite word to mispronounce is poignant. i articulate the G)

A covey of mildewed females whom he had classified under the general heading of Aunts.

She looked like something that might have occurred to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.

She looked at me like someone who has just solved the crossword puzzle with a shrewd “Emu” in the top right hand corner.

…fell into the washing machine and did as many revolutions per minute as a small African republic….

He trusted neither of them as far as he could spit, and he was a poor spitter, lacking both distance and control.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?

Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I’m all for it.

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
(now that is a pretty weird one!)

She had more curves than a scenic railway
(yay! down with skinny women

just kidding
all the skinny women i know)

A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.
(boy this guy really hated the piggies)

Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I’ll bet Trotsky couldn’t hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

if i ever wrote a novel which i shortly will do, it would be kind of like this i think….
i really would love more than anything to write a novel
this is kathy talking right now BTW

chris bollen just wrote novel! wow!!!!
here is IS

I’m bound to say that New York’s a topping place to be exiled in. Everybody was awfully good to me, and there seemed to be plenty of things going on, and I’m a wealthy bird, so everything was fine.
(sounds about right)

A lesser moustache, under the impact of that quick, agonized expulsion of breath, would have worked loose at the roots.

(This guy is ridiculous right? you see maybe why i love this so much and it is really just a special thing?)

now we are going to walk around steve powers brooklyn murals and be quiet silent walking round

dont be bored!
i know after all those fun quotes you must be bored

maybe you guys can caption some photos

(is that what my blog is just captioning photos?)

i know it is lame but in my head i hit apple Z all the time
i even verbally in my head think “APPLE Z APPLE Z” a lot
not cool

the reason some of these are all wrapped is that they came back from MOCA ART IN THE STREETS just now

i told jeffrey he should do ART IN THE STREETS along the bowery and the new noo and the roll down gates and this is what he said

“its ok i know jeffrey loves and respects me he is just really too busy with his new job to connect with me anymore”

if you ever find there is a coke bag attached to your pant leg, buy a new pair of pants

“all the ladies in the house”

its fun that i stopped doing all of the class A narcotics and now only occasionally fuck with this shit, right?
or is that not funny

i warned you at the start of this post that i had no good jokes

where is our fucking light up sign someone is about to get punished seriously

hey!!!

oh man
when i see dash’s face i light up like a christmas tree and it takes a split second for me to remember that i dont get to see him anymore
literally i feel my heart leaping up when i see his face somewhere

my heart is open
and pulverized

sorry guys

avery is copping a new future in tennessee right now did i spell that right?

how can one word have so many repeated letters?

M I S S I S S I P P I

or something

those are both native america right?
native american likes maybe lots of repeated consonnants?

MANAHATTAN!

i dont actually WANT to talk about this art but here i am with no WODEHOUSE left

let’s all practice our “silently judging” skills

girls especially are excellent at this

this!!!!!
this is actually a color photo can you belive it
i am so drunk and just cant seem to belive it
or spell the world believe properly

man a hat ta

men att em

im just doing word jazz

in my michael jackson shoes
you already saw my outfit
whatever whatever

you guys have heard the released tapes of michael jackson where he does not have a baby voice right?
the whole baby voice was just affected
sorry to ruin your world

“Her face was shining like the seat of a bus-driver’s trousers”