Wasabi Pee

we sat by the river and drank beers and wasabi peas and it was nice

we had nice beers and bar with funny gallery talk with christopher and paulie and jokes and normal and no pharell

we got to have really really drunk order too much dinner too

the next lovely morning there was the Schaulager visit
which reminds me of Emily Feingold and Shau, her lawn ornament

weiner for breakfast

their building is sweet

inside too
and we saw paul mccarthy!

robert gober drainage world
i wasnt allowed to take photos and these were the only i could escondito

this room as unguarded
talk about ART AND FEAR

this piece rules

this was confusing

it doesnt look like an injury, so what is it?

the swiss are weird
i’ve nicknamed teh chubby blonde at the hotel HILDEGAARD who was really rude to me when my room key didnt work
she told me i must be doing it wrong and she would come show me
i told her i had been coming to the hotel for three years and knew how to use the hotel key and that she could stick it

i am testy with the swiss
i dont know why
i wish i was not!
it is terribly unflattering

now we are at LISTE

bear in mind i am only taking photos of the 1% best stuff there

which should tell you somethin

NIEVES thing was genuinely pretty cool

james fuentes

not this work, obviously, but the MEAN and MEDIAN too i suppose for liste was TRIANGLE WITH STRING ON IT

lets go to VOLTA and see what their mean and median is

lets rid the pig train!

it was in a new venue this year “the largest concrete dome in existence”
(“that hasnt caved in yet”)

nancy reagan’s at Zieher smith were cool


you be the judge
i am outta opinions

everyone wants my opinion and i just want kissing and loving

dagmar de pooter dagmar de pooter we are gettin close


blerg too much f’art

these are evan’s kinda guys

my head is spinnin from all this constant LOOKING

lets get outta here!

lets drink four beers ready?

no peeing

only multiracial friendships

no hippie drum circles

and now we are caught up!

work donkey

art and fear
famous essay

art and street flecks
my next essay

bye! bye! bye! this guy was running along with the train

we are relaxing on our 9hour train to Basel

i love train journeys

i made an epily long animation in college based on train travel
i think i was obsessed with a Jeremy Blake piece i saw with the same pacing and shapes

made it!

good morning cool guy!

wet ones

that was fast

this place

early bird gets the

settin up the booth

oh my

the booth!

is this someone’s art?

warhol and sprouse

alex duve is on new york time

the first day went great

this piece is kinda ick

or is that a bit of hyperbole?

this is Damiana helping with new york minute

lets blow this pop stand

lets party!

a big Emmanuel Perrotin party

look its Pharell

“all you nasty european bitches do you like sex sex sex?”

“perrotin and Design Miami, drop it like its hot”

look its Larry Gagosian and Jay Jopling

the art world thinks its so cool and sophisticated but all it takes is a celebrity to make them act like losers

now jeffrey wants a rapper of his own to compete with Perrotin

anyone but kanye, please

we like each other

it was pretty fun

the music was terrible though
what is up with Paris?

the great ‘le baron’ guys played Madonna’s Like A Prayer, then Nirvana Smells like teen spirit, then a swing song from the 40s or something
im shocked everyone just didnt leave instantly

there’s no accounting for taste i guess

day too

diva too

you FEET zees

HANDS holbein
like my bad puns?

faces of the deitch booth

i’m the doctor

stefan bought this

these are so sweet

ever tried to do anything with a ball point pen besides write with it?

he is a virtuoso of hand

remember when stefan said ben jones needed to work on his hand? that was ridiculous

remember when kathy repeated “dagmar de pooter gallery” over and over until she drove her coworkers insane?

this is right next to us

have you guessed what it is yet?

emmanuel de pooter gallery



super sweet

our booth rules!

oh no!

oh no ABRH!

this is a paul chan
i should maybe stay in our booth more

patrick is my work donkey sometimes

but i feed him good


i had a meeting with the Romans


meeting food
hey at least i remembered not to order the WURST SALAT

alex wins best badge

Eye see a lot of bad art

this raquib is odd
same spot as last year!

at least some of them take some responsibility!

Art Unlimited is always big and bad

this piece is called GRID RIPPER
great title

this piece is more badass than bad
but the rest of it just bad

ok! im gonna save some farts for tomorrow so this page will load better

no shirt no shoes

i dont trust artists
i have rules: never enter an artist’s hut
never put on headphones or apparell or get into any stirrups
never let an artist convince you to remove your shoes

if you follow these rules then you may walk through the Arsenale’s FARE MUNDI with me

i cant wait to have fresh sharp video presentations

i reluctantly went into this dark room by an asian lady but was pleased to find it full of common appliances and electronics, invisible exccept for their little ON lights

never get into bed with an artist either

this is a Paul Chan work that was “polarizing”

its a humpfest

break time!

we went into this old bookshop and the owner made us go in the back to see

he thought this was hilarious

back in the fart fair

this was a sad piece


oh no it appears we have come full circle
ok what is next?

handsome pat

and his homely woman friend

we went to a fun dinner at the secret restaurant

passed out New York Minute pins

im hungis in the booth again

the next day perhaps?

no no an no

me gusta pintarrrrrrr

fascinating shitty new york plants

festivalism festivalism! you know what roberta smith calls festivalism?

there was a hungarian pavillion about criminal phrenology

at the end there was a mirror so you could “see yourself as the criminal” or something

have i mentioned that i love patrick?

this is Tobias Rehberger (sp?) cafe

it won the second palm frond of art peace award


bruce nauman’s american pavillion

eatin boogers eatin boogers
that is how i spell bookers

you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose…..

get it? it took me a sec
the inside is all “lounge gone wrong”
and the title of the pavilion, danish i think, is “The Collector”

did i mention there were 6 cute young men lounging around in there?

the russian pavillion was cool

this room of blacklight activated crowd painting

surrounding you with cheering noises. scary and good

made you feel like a gladiator

the other artists were less good but still ok

hilariously bad
(which is better than ‘just bad’)

ikea art


french pavilion was sorta good

this one was poo

this pavilion was just more giardini

imagine patrick going “look kathy, you would like this!”

jones mekas? no that cant be right. something like that though


dale chihuly (snicker)!

egypt pavilion?

ho boy

this is not art

rachel harrison

Another Bad Creation
Another Bad Rachel Harrison (ABRH from now on)

there! back at the beginning again

ciao, venezia!

fair mundi

lets look at the biennale before we run outta energy

guyton/walker that didnt totally suck balls

still contentless if you ask me

oo sproingis

natalie djurberg

she won the palm frond of art sagazity prize i just heard

the gold lion of stregth and the dove of art peace

some bullshit

this made me laugh and laugh

thisis the group show in the giardini. it is all i let myself see before patrick came to love me and view art with me

someone just asked me to be in one of these
not yoko ono though

Rikrit reading lounge?

im going to the Lido for biking

trapped on the lido for biking

getting caught in a rainstorm is great

ok its gone
or maybe this is an out of order photo
who can tell?

this is me taking the slow boat up the grand canal to get our train tickets to Basel

which means YOU have to take the slow boat but instead of 2 hours you get 20 seconds max

i like to scroll fast too its ok

whats the longest you’ve spent looking at a photo? i cant remember the last time i stared at a photo for more than 20 seconds

maybe at the blah blah blah whats his name show. robert frank

lets snoop with zooms

please allow me to join your wedding photo yes thank you

banners should be banned from the rialto

i warned you it was the slow boat!

ok i made it run for solid ground

look at these people standing in smelly disgusting water for a photo

because san marco was flooded i had to go a weird way home and stumbled on our secret favourite restaurant!
now the internet will remember it for us so we dont have to

oops where did i go

oops what is going on

this is me going to get patrick

got him!

everything just got better

ok wait im turned around again

photobucket uploaded my photos outta orden and my narrative is getting really pessoan

there should be photos of the entire biennale and arsenale
a million boring photos
should be hard to lose!

all i can find are these fun photos arent you sad?

pat got that bag for his mom i am just holding it

i am a bad self-editor so you get two almost identical photos

all i have are these random photos

of our beach picnic

and pud

and loving each other

and finding things

and swim

and baby butts from far away

so we dont seem creepy

and towels

video games

a foosball ancestor

oh no this looks like the Art!
save it for later
i have a book meeting in 30 minutes and i gotta make it good

ketchup rubber buns and liquor

i gotta catch up really fast because it’s a day off in basel and this looks like new york still:

i mean obviously it is new york
i liked this add for venice and mykonos
get ready!!

first we took a long train from london up almost to scottland

over sands to Grange-Over-Sands

to kate’s cottage!

look its a bee hive

look how nice their cottage is

this was a local delicacy that patrick enjoyed
patrick always was a bit rummy

remember the photo of kate pregnant and deranged in front of this back in Peckham?

this was a present for Iggy

he liked it i think

this is the most appealing looking breakfast i have ever seen
if i ever get a better more scrumptuous looking breakfast photo i will be shocked

lots of wandering
i was only there for a day due to a lunch scheduling problem in Venice

essentially i was there for 22 hours

see you next time! take care of Pat!
feed him lots of cheese!

BACK over sands
does that make it London-Over-Sands?

all trains into london were stopped for 2hours outside the city from signal failure
i missed my plane and slept at Gatwick Airport and arrived in lagoon city the next morn

i almost got another cool photo but i was slow on the draw

was reading this book

was prodding this business class food. does it look fancier than normal?

i dont like how 99% of people pronounce ‘glacier’

hey! now we’re cookin!

zip zipped to the NEW YORK MINUTE pr lunch

too busy yakkin to take pictures but i see shamim and an old roman collector who seems psyched on the show.

this guy’s snake belt is psyched on the show

after! that went quick

this guy liked his new york minute lunch


i am a soldier of fortune
i am off on a long journey

and so much before i leave!
this looks gross but it was the best whatever this is called in brooklyn
pat took me to some place out in bushwick to get it

across from this

we went to this flea too since we still had the pennsylvania rental car

not all hats are good for pats

we had to take photos since there weren’t mirrors



we got a lot of shit

this is what our back yard looks like now that it is warm

we bumped into terence on the street where he was at a cafe watching cute gays move into an adjacent apartment building

unladen we went to ASS for EVERYTHING OUT GOING

inexpensive art and product

terence needs some quick cash

its open till june 6th

its open now!
what are you waiting for???

buy my get a rope zine

it will make you instantly cool i promise

then we did something i forget then we went to LIT where leo was installing a show i will never see


the next day was bootyful and i went to williamsburg to meet our… subletter yay yay yay!

got soaked and then dried walkin to meet him at an open studios event

it was in the old brooklyn fire proof building

all beards look the same

i think this was Matthew Cerletty’s studio? could that be?

our subletter!

a girl from hunter whose work was pretty interesting

they have a few studios available for really cheap for those who want it!

i liked this work because i mean fuck it just go for it
if you wanna paint this crazy stuff just paint it

this person is pretense free and having fun, at least self-pleasing fun

these were odd
and oddly contentless

this guy was the best of the group
and hung in a way that the artist seemed embarrassed of it maybe

i see slava and brian!


walk back home i guess

this photo of poop dick didnt turn out as cool as i hoped

this might be my favourite palette in a graffiti photo ever
dont you just wanna paint something with these colors?

not this one

accidental art

i have a LOT to say about accidental art and patronizing art brats but i will save it for an article sometime

fuck it i will stop at aurels insted of goin home

i need girl on girl support

though i am too proud to say so

here’s a juicy DH Lawrence quote for ya:

‘Thou dark one, thou proud, curved beauty! I/ would worship thee, letting my buttocks prance’


‘l Would so gladly lie In the womanly valley, and ply Thy twofold dance.’

the Women in Love book is vivid to the point of being lurid
its just atrocious
he uses the word LOINS literally 300 times

which of course will be my third screen in the aforementioned Women In Love Video Tryptych

just LOINS LOINS LOINS strobing in big block capitals

aurel knows about loins
her roof is nice

aurel knows about magazines
she has been in them a bunch recently!

look how much better her work is compared to every other piece on the page
not to be mean
but her work always makes other people’s works look shitty and half-assed

lucien in overalls and Michael B “stylin”

i liked Jack’s blurb:

he is not too big for his britches. they fit him well

ok ok i just dig myself deeper whever i talk about teens
maybe the rugby team just made me believe in hazing

we took a tequila pit stop

he was trying to look like that guy but i shoulda kept the camera horizontal

look how good this vegan stew looks

and the best chicken chilli rellenos ever! i love chile rellenos!

anus rellenos: who wants to sublet my old old apartment?
just kidding
we found someone already

after this we went to see UP and it was the last show and i was DELERIOUSLY EXCITED because as you know, i am an avid follower of children’s animated films but LO!

it was sold out
this is today
up early runnin errands

what is up wtih this

there were 5 demolished cars
was it a M.A.D.D. installation?

i bough canal street tshirts, dropped of a zine, picked up dry cleanin
bought travel sized toiletries!

i graduated high school in 1998
can you see the itti bitti type?
high tags with tiny words

does every girl think her man thing is just the handsomest man thing in the world?
is that a hormone or something?

pat got burnt yesterday at his job site

we were sposta get tanned in Venice together!
pat is always one step ahead


ah, a June of my jeunesse
will quickly fly by
especially after i get on a plane for Erp tomorrow

i have 119 photos since i last checked and that is too many for you
or me
or even pat so i will go fast

my hot little hand is at a new museum Rhizome benefit i mentioned in the last post

this is Dara Birnbaum one of the honorees, one of the first. her talk was great she said how blog culture and faceyspaces and twits are contributing to a lack of real engagement with the internet and its true!
you wouldnt read this if it were just two page essays on digital culture
heck, i wouldnt write this either!

but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do
this is xylor and tauba donations from the auction

we could see our old studio building from the roof

it was rainy

look at these sauces!
i love food when it borders on unappetizing because of aesthetic decisions

this was a performance we had to leave though

they have a mail order monsters elevator which im sure you already know

pat and i had a funeral to catch so we started drivin

5 hours later

we were in rural pennsylvania sleepin here

fitting for pervy pat

this is funeral pat. i wish he hadnt been to so many funerals in his life
this was my first one and i was glad he was there with me

lots of crying and comiserating and rituals to make people feel better that mostly worked

we went by Grandma’s house in Mine 40 one last time
when i was a kid in school other kids would tease me that my parents looked like grandparents (because they had me when they were 40 and 50 respectively) and that fact is not lost to me now, very painfully not lost on me

these were my granma’s parents
two people who look like they could put the fear of god in you

i think this is my grandma’s aunt and uncle, the uncle who wouldnt come to america on the boat with the other russians because he had pink eye and had to ride the goat back to the village. but i dont quite remember that story very well, i only know that this painting/photo thing, whatever it is, is awesome

this photo of my cousin Trishy is awesome

billy always wore an Angels hat as a 4th grader

old things

newly old things

these are my grandpa’s bronzed coal mining boots
he was a miner who died of coal mining lung problems almost 40 years ago

one interesting thing i found out as her son, my uncle Tony, was giving the church service is that Grandma apparently had me and my brother secretly baptized against my parents wishes

this is my uncle when he was ordained; granma looks so proud of him!
she usually always sticks her tongue out in photos
i have about a hundred photos of her sticking her tongue out

this is the curtain pattern from my childhood kitchen that i remember distinctly because i found it so perplexing as a child

my grandma is the one on the left that looks so young and skinny and knobby teen awkward

this is Mine 40 where she spend most of her life

this is what it looked like when the mine was still open

i can’t even begin to pretend to imagine

again me being glad patrick is there with me

we stopped at a weird souvenir store

the long drive back

sleepy blues brother

drooly blues brother

i claim this photo as half mine at least
pat says otherwise

this is stuck in my head and i dont know what to do with it

more photos might help hold on one sec