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October 6th, 2011

i really should leave the office before i start drinking all the leftover wine in the basement….

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consider yourself warned

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so! you know how i made up this joke

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what happens when a deer and a car kiss?

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deer carcass!

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well ben jones made a variant

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what happens when a deer and a outdoor product manufacturer kiss?

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he gets a John Deere letter on the table the next morning

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here’s a joke

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Knock Knock
Who’s there
Jim Drain

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Jim Drain Who?
This awesome artist from Providence, RI

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Knock Knock
Who’s there
Jim Drain

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Jim Drain Who?
This awesome artist from Providence, RI

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Knock Knock
Who’s there
Ara Peterson

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Ara who?
ARA n’t you glad i didn’t say Jim Drain?

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ben and christina helped me with that one

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i am not that punny today sorry guys
i have been reading PG Wodehouse books to try to brighten my sprits and he is much funnier

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as david foster wallace my favourite author wrote, “PG Wodehouse is timelessly witty and mean”

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He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say “when!”

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I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down to the mezzanine floor.

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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

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He’s as jealous as billy-ho. Smear a bit of burnt cork on him, and he could step right on to any stage and play Othello without rehearsal.

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He uttered a stricken woofle, like a bulldog who had been refused cake

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She spoke with the mildness of a cushat dove addressing another cushat dove from whom it is hoping to borrow money.

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A chap who’s supposed to stop chaps pinching things things from chaps having a chap come along and pinch something from him.

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If I had had to choose between him and a cockroach as a companion for a walking-tour, the cockroach would have had it by a short head.

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I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!
(you guys know my favourite word to mispronounce is poignant. i articulate the G)

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A covey of mildewed females whom he had classified under the general heading of Aunts.

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She looked like something that might have occurred to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.

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She looked at me like someone who has just solved the crossword puzzle with a shrewd “Emu” in the top right hand corner.

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…fell into the washing machine and did as many revolutions per minute as a small African republic….

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He trusted neither of them as far as he could spit, and he was a poor spitter, lacking both distance and control.

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It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

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Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

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If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

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What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?

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Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I’m all for it.

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Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
(now that is a pretty weird one!)

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She had more curves than a scenic railway
(yay! down with skinny women

just kidding
all the skinny women i know)

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A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber.
(boy this guy really hated the piggies)

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Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I’ll bet Trotsky couldn’t hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.

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if i ever wrote a novel which i shortly will do, it would be kind of like this i think….
i really would love more than anything to write a novel
this is kathy talking right now BTW

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chris bollen just wrote novel! wow!!!!
here is IS

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I’m bound to say that New York’s a topping place to be exiled in. Everybody was awfully good to me, and there seemed to be plenty of things going on, and I’m a wealthy bird, so everything was fine.
(sounds about right)

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A lesser moustache, under the impact of that quick, agonized expulsion of breath, would have worked loose at the roots.

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(This guy is ridiculous right? you see maybe why i love this so much and it is really just a special thing?)

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now we are going to walk around steve powers brooklyn murals and be quiet silent walking round

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dont be bored!
i know after all those fun quotes you must be bored

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maybe you guys can caption some photos

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(is that what my blog is just captioning photos?)

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i know it is lame but in my head i hit apple Z all the time
i even verbally in my head think “APPLE Z APPLE Z” a lot
not cool

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the reason some of these are all wrapped is that they came back from MOCA ART IN THE STREETS just now

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i told jeffrey he should do ART IN THE STREETS along the bowery and the new noo and the roll down gates and this is what he said

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“its ok i know jeffrey loves and respects me he is just really too busy with his new job to connect with me anymore”

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if you ever find there is a coke bag attached to your pant leg, buy a new pair of pants

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“all the ladies in the house”

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its fun that i stopped doing all of the class A narcotics and now only occasionally fuck with this shit, right?
or is that not funny

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i warned you at the start of this post that i had no good jokes

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where is our fucking light up sign someone is about to get punished seriously

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hey!!!

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oh man
when i see dash’s face i light up like a christmas tree and it takes a split second for me to remember that i dont get to see him anymore
literally i feel my heart leaping up when i see his face somewhere

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my heart is open
and pulverized

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sorry guys

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avery is copping a new future in tennessee right now did i spell that right?

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how can one word have so many repeated letters?

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M I S S I S S I P P I

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or something

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those are both native america right?
native american likes maybe lots of repeated consonnants?

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MANAHATTAN!

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i dont actually WANT to talk about this art but here i am with no WODEHOUSE left

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let’s all practice our “silently judging” skills

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girls especially are excellent at this

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this!!!!!
this is actually a color photo can you belive it
i am so drunk and just cant seem to belive it
or spell the world believe properly

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man a hat ta

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men att em

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im just doing word jazz

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in my michael jackson shoes
you already saw my outfit
whatever whatever

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you guys have heard the released tapes of michael jackson where he does not have a baby voice right?
the whole baby voice was just affected
sorry to ruin your world

“Her face was shining like the seat of a bus-driver’s trousers”

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